I was cleaning my aquarium at school today and was reflecting on my personal worship experience yesterday morning.
It got me thinking about earlier this week.
I rented a car to use while the Jeep is in the shop and the clerk at the counter gave me a free upgrade from a Nissan Altima to a Dodge Charger.
Normally I would have rejected it, but I felt like trying it out. Needless to say, I have had some fun pushing that hemi around for a few days.
The deep, throaty growl of muscular acceleration has been addictive and it makes me want to hear it more and more. In sport mode, it growls even harder when the car decelerates to a stop as it argues and protests the loss of speed.
So, before long, I found myself accelerating past the speed limit and even justifying it just for the thrill. (Short-term midlife crisis maybe?)
Anyway, what have I learned from this?
This is not the car for me.
It has engaged me on a level that it shouldn’t and has me doing things that are not good.
This car encourages me to break laws.
But, then again, my flesh likes it … what could be wrong with that?
You see, I’ve been around a lot of hemi-style worship lately.
It’s loud, it stirs my emotions, but does it really bring me closer to God?
Am I worshipping the Lord God, King of the Universe, or am I just popping the clutch on what feels good emotionally and calling it what it’s not?
I’ve been struggling with worship for a few years now … not to be comfortable with it, but to make sure that I am worshipping and not just singing.
That is what led to Monday morning’s playlist.
So, while I am sitting here thinking about how fun this end of summer journey has been (meeting Shepherd, the tow truck driver from Zimbabwe; playing around with the Charger; and getting my Jeep fixed), it will be nicer when I get the Jeep back and things go back to normal.
I am asking the Lord to point me to the place where stripped worship gears are repaired and I can feel whole again.
I plan to wait quietly for His answer … no hemi required…